


rescuing the princes(s)

by fnowae



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Crack Fic, Fantasy AU, Humor, M/M, just read this it's wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 22:42:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11701365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fnowae/pseuds/fnowae
Summary: Pete has long since accepted his role as a fairytale prince.





	rescuing the princes(s)

**Author's Note:**

> this is fucking wild but have fun

Pete has long since accepted his role as a fairytale prince. 

He's the son of the king of Kingdomnia (known far and wide for being the world's most horridly named kingdom), and that means he's the heir to the throne. That also means he has a destiny to fulfill. 

His destiny is one he's heard his whole life - "Pete, one day you will grow up and rescue the princess of Royalland, the world's second-most horridly named kingdom. And then you will be wed and live happily forever after." And he accepted that. 

When he turned twenty-one, his quest was officially on. His father and mother sent him off to rescue the princess. He was ready. Well, mostly. Sort of. He was at least vaguely prepared, best case scenario. 

He was doing his fucking best, okay?

He mounted his trusty steed, Horse, and off they set down Path Road towards the evil tower, which was named Unevil Tower in hopes of being at least unique in its name. 

Pete's first obstacle was a dragon named Dragonicus. He saw the great, red beast sitting atop the aptly named Tall Hill in the distance. 

He approached with caution, and once he was close enough to wield his sword, he yelled, "Great evil dragon, I challenge you to a battle!"

The dragon turns to him and gives him a questioning look. "I'm not evil."

"You're Dragonicus! The great guardian of the princess!" Pete says, slightly less certain. 

"Uh, no, that's my cousin. I'm filling in for him," the dragon explains. "I'm Andy."

"Oh." Pete frowns. "So...you're not gonna try and eat me?"

"I'm vegan," Andy says. 

"Huh." Pete shrugs. "Okay."

"Good luck," Andy tells him. 

Pete thanks him and continues on his way. 

His next obstacle is a lake of lava. It's called Lava Lake. Just kidding. It's called The Ever Burning Lake Of Molten Earth Rock. 

Except the name is deceiving, because what it really is is a few sparse puddles of weakly bubbling lava on an otherwise solidified lava field. Pete walks over it easily. 

He finally arrives at the huge Unevil Tower. It's made of worn cream brick crawling with emerald green ivy. 

Finally, Pete thinks, he's going to save the princess. 

Pete begins the hard trek up the side of the wall, climbing on the ivy towards the window at the top of the tower. It's slow going, and he has to throw his sword down to get rid of he weight, hoping there's no last line of defense he would need it for. 

Finally, with sore muscles and plenty of regret, Pete rolls himself in through the window, landing on the floor of the tower's room. 

"Well, took you long enough."

Pete looks up, and...he doesn't see a princess. 

There's two guys hanging out on a fancy velvet couch. One of them is eating an apple boredly. The other, who Pete thinks is the one who spoke before, is leaning forward and eyeing Pete critically. 

"Uh...sorry, what?" Pete asks, blinking. 

"Uh, you're Pete of Kingdomnia, right? The one who's supposed to rescue us?" the one with the apple asks, raising an eyebrow. He turns to his friend. "Did I get that right?"

"Yeah, think so," his friend agrees. 

"I...I'm supposed to rescue _you_?" Pete asks. 

"Uh, yeah," the one with with the apple responds. "Pete of Kindgomnia is supposed to rescue the princes of Royalland? Catch up, Pete of Idiotia. Huh. That's actually a better name for a kingdom. You should use that."

"All this time...they were saying _princes_ ," Pete says, gaping. "Holy shit. I'm an idiot."

"Yeah, and now you're supposed to marry us and shit," the one with the apple says, shrugging. "I think it's bullshit, but hey, at least you're hot."

" _Joe_!" the other one gasps. 

"What? I'm not wrong." Apple guy - Joe - shrugs. "Admit it."

"Shut up," his friend mutters. 

"He's kinda an idiot, Patrick," Joe continues. "I mean, he climbed up the side of the fucking tower instead of taking the stairs."

"There are stairs?" Pete exclaims. Well, all that hard work was for nothing. 

"Mhm," Joe says, shrugging. 

"So...the quest wasn't to rescue and marry a princess...it was to rescue and marry two _princes_ ," Pete wonders aloud. 

"Yeah, idiot. Get with the program," Joe says, rolling his eyes. 

"Come up with another insult for once," Patrick mutters, shooting him a glare. 

"Huh," Pete says, pursing his lips. "Okay. I can work with this."


End file.
